I sent a text today that I regretted almost immediately. It wasn’t anything risqué, or rude. It was quite nice. It was just saying hello to someone, that never texts me ever. They take hours and hours sometimes days to respond. I regretted it, because I’m quite aware that I am no one to this person, especially a friend.
And then I didn’t regret it because I am so over regret. I am over second guessing myself, my feelings, my actions. I am who I am. I am trying to hard to face all of my fears. The unknown. I think that’s my biggest fear at the moment. So this weekend has been full of things I haven’t really done. I took a bunch of preteen kids to a video arcade, with the help of my awesome brother Pierce. I was all for doing it alone, but I needed one more space for a kid. And he is just all a round my buddy. I decided that Sunday needed to be a funday, and I loaded the kids into my car for our adventure. This adventure actually taught me an interesting lesson.
Ive been to Jump Creek Falls one other time. It was with an ex boyfriend, and I remember it being a little more difficult. I’m sure it was because Lilly was two at the time. But me and the kids had no issues, and met some cool people and I got to pet some super cute dogs. One guy was talking my ear off, and he was super hot, and then his left hand came out of his pocket and the blinding silver ring made him very un-hot. But it was still nice to talk to a stranger, and not be afraid.
Lilly is into a whining stage, so the whole entire 20 minutes or so back to the car she was upset we were going back towards the car. I told her we were going to keep hiking, but we had to hike out of that canyon, and I needed to use the restroom at the top. A couple of times her legs just magically stopped working. It was so crazy. But the further we got they all of sudden would start working again and she could run! But then she would fall to the ground and say they were broken and cry. Strangest thing. We finally make it out of the canyon, and hike back toward our car, and drink some water and I decide, “We have already seen the falls, lets go that way!” Ryan was extatic because the kid is super weird and likes to do dangerous things that involve the possibility of falling down an Owyee mountain, while smiling the entire time. Lillys legs seemed to be working great all of a sudden. Mine however were starting to realize that this was a really damn high steep hill. But if I told my kids, “nope, your fat ass mom cant do this” they would have been heart broken. So I kept on going. Slowly. Very very slowly. I had a lot of stops. I was pretty embarrassed actually because everyone was doing great. They were also skinny and I am not. It did get to a point, about half way up the mountain I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to continue. My head was pounding, I was sweating like no ones business, and I thought I was going to vomit.
Then Ryan and Lilly’s voices screaming “You can do It mommy! We believe in you!” Started ringing. I kept going up. I made it to this huge boulder and about died. I was looking for somewhere to puke. I’m not kidding. It took me a solid 15 minutes to even get back up, and I am surprised my jelly legs even allowed that. We wondered around at the top, saw that the path kept going but I knew I really couldn’t do it. Ryan was famished, and the little whiner started back up. So we slowly made our very steep hike back down. I only fell down the mountain a little, scaring the hell out of my kids. My ankle doesn’t think its very funny, but I did. Mostly because it scared me too, and all I could do was laugh. We made it to the car, grabbed some ice cream and headed home.
I am dead! My head is pounding, my ankle is screaming and my legs are jello. Tomorrow they are going to feel like two lead weights. But I did it! I made it to the top, and I proved to myself, and to my children, that even if you WANT to give up, you can still push yourself and achieve what you set your mind to.
Now, I have a four day weekend, and lets be real. Tomorrow after the kids go to school my mind is set on a beautiful nap.
No regrets.
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