OK- so maybe the pills are working a tad. Or I am just getting to the point where certain friends just aren't worth it. No matter how unique and wonderful they seem to be on the outside.

I don't even know how to explain the issues withing myself. I like a boy. And I know the only reason I like this person is because he is unique. I get a long so great with him. He gets me in ways that no person has ever gotten me. Including my mother. He is so incredibly talented and I have always found that so attractive.

But here comes all the bad and the list is so much longer. He is manically depressed. He has terrible social skills and enjoys chaos, and essentially enjoys hurting people. Especially woman. (But not his friends, which happen to all be woman also, and he ends up losing) He is a complete dick. And I really like him.

Because he is a complete dick? Because he is a depressed head case? No. Because he pays attention to me. Because my self esteem is so low that I feel I deserve this. Bullshit!

I don't. I do not deserve to sit here and listen to him tell me about all the "Bitches that he fucked, and how he really hates talking to all these cunts." Oh yes. He is such a sweet talker. But I always text him back like the stupid little in love girl "Oh, haha! You're so funny. Who are you hanging out with tonight?" Aids fest is what he calls it.

Why am I writing all this stuff out? Because I'm making a point to myself and all of you. That seven months after watching your entire self get shattered is just not enough time to heal the void in your chest. You will try and fill it with whatever is there. Even if it is shit. I am writing this so that tomorrow, I can read it again. I can look at this and realize, "Wow. Brianna. You are seriously messed up that you think this guy is even worth YOUR attention. So just you keep sitting by that phone like a good little girl and text him the second he sends one". Because as a "Friend" how many times has he asked to hang out or meet with your children? Never.